It's called growing up.

 

I miss a lot of people right now. I believe that God has this wonderful plan for us, for me, but sometimes I wonder why things happen. I've struggled with this for a while now. What was the point of moving to Puyallup? What was the point of moving to Spokane? What is so special about Ellensburg? Was my relationship with him just not meant to be? Was the timing just off? Why do my best friend and I have to be separated for such a long time? Why not Bellingham? What's the point of everything going on in my life now? 

Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm not thankful for some of the things that have happened since Everett, because I am. Because of a movie, I got to know this great guy a little better. Because of Puyallup, I met some amazing people. Because of Ellensburg, I've met some amazing people. Because of Spokane, I was able to see Sara Bareilles live! Because of distance, I've come to learn that I shouldn't take people for granted and that absence does make the heart grow fonder. Because of Facebook and my mom's help, I found some people who I never thought I would see again. Because of a terrible incident and the story of a friend, I figured out what I want to do with the rest of my life.  The two deaths in the family taught me that I shouldn't take my family for granted. I've learned that it's probably better for me to let God write my story, then for me to try to write my own without his guidance.

I've learned that I shouldn't let my past dictate what my future is going to be. It doesn't matter who my dad is, or what he's done, because I am not him. I am not going to make the same mistakes he has. I've learned that it's okay to be hurt, or overwhelmed, or scared. I've learned that it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to need someone else. It's okay to lean on someone's shoulder. It's okay to need a hug. I've learned that things will get better. I've learned that out of something awful, miracles can happen. I've learned that I'm not alone.

I've had my ups and downs, but so has everyone else. I can't wait for my future. I can't wait to see what crazy plans God has for me. I can't wait to see why it was so important that I chose psychology over education. I can't wait to meet my future husband, and my future kids. And even though I can't even imagine being this old, I can't wait to meet my grand-kids.

So here's to my old friends. And here's to new friends. Here's to the people who have made an impact on me. Here's to the future. Here's to all the wonderful things to come.

Edit: I have no idea where this picture came from, but if it's yours, let me know and I'll give you credit!

class of '09.

here's to the people who were always there.

to the people who held my hand,

to the people i laughed with,

and to the people i cried with.

here's to my best friends.

the ones i could count on when i wasn't okay,

the one's who stood by my side,

even when i didn't want them to.

here's to my old friends,

my new friends,

and everyone in between.

here's to late, crazy nights,

to band trips,

to canada,

to disneyland.

here's to great inside jokes,

like four, dandelion, and sexy question mark man.

here's to the people i met and will never forget.

class of 2009, congratulations.

we finally did it!

i'm so proud of you.

Seniors.
Class of 2009.
Everyone's moving.
Everyone's changing.
We will be going our own way soon.
Will we remember all the fun times we had?
Will we remember the fights, the trips, the hugs, the friends?
I will if you will.
Congratulations class of '09.
We did it!

You.

When I think about me and you,
it hurts,
but it's over now.
What happened, happened.
We both moved on,
you faster than me.
However, it's been a while.
We're starting to become friends again.
Maybe not as close as we were before,
but that's expected.
I think one day we'll get there.

I hope we stay in touch.
You're the only person who has affected me this much.
People have gotten close, my best friend included,
but never as close as you.

I sometimes hate you
because I can never stay mad at you for very long.
Other times I think you're the most amazing guy.
It's hard to let you completely go.
Sometimes I wonder if you ever feel the same way I do.

I know though,
that it's time to say good bye.
In a way I'm ready to leave you behind.
I now know,
that I could never fully separate myself from you,
we're too close.

You're scared.
I can feel it.

Don't worry.
I'm scared too.
Change is hard.
Next year we'll have an amazing summer.
And next year we'll be in college.
We'll have the time of our lives.
So let's not be scared.
Let's face our fears.
We'll always remember our times together.
What happens next is a mystery.
Next year will be different for everyone.
We'll make it through the change.
We're a family now, and we will be then.
I'll never forget the class of '09.

Everyone is beautiful.

Even if we don't feel it.

I have glasses, I'm ugly.

I have braces, I'm ugly.

I'm not skinny, so I must be ugly.

Stop.

Right now.

You don't have to be skinny to be pretty.

You don't have to be perfect to look beautiful.

I know what it feels like to feel ugly.

I've been there a lot.

But if you have kindness, if you have love,

if you show compassion,

if you have passion for something.

If you have confidence.

That makes you beautiful.

Stop hiding because you're not skinny.

Stop hiding if you have glasses.

Stop hiding if you have braces.

You are beautiful.

Just believe in yourself.

This is me.

Yes that's me.

Look and you'll see.

My hair in a ponytail.

My eyes behind my glasses.

My arms reaching for someone.

My hands clapping with joy.

My heart filled with pain and happiness.

I'm the one who will never let you down.

I never try to hurt anyone.

My friends believe in me.

I live to make a difference.

I hope to have a happy life.

I dream of the future.

It's all clear as can be.

That's positively, absolutely me.

You play it cool.

You talk to me like it's no big deal.

But it is.

You don't know how much it hurts.

Usually you ignore me,.

But on the rare occasions you talk to me,

you make me feel so bad.

Like I'm not worth your time,

small, immature

Why can't you just accept me for who I am?

I love you,

Why can't I receive love from you?

I won't force you to love me.

I can't.

Just remember,

I will never forget you.

Even if you forget me.

Who am I?

1.

i am jacqueline

daughter of jennifer and shawn

who needs love, sleep, and friends

who loves nature, god, people

who sees joy, words, compassion

who hates ignorance, hatred, cheaters

who fears failure, loneliness, success

who dreams of happiness, a loving family,a good job

who has found poems of love

resident of washington

sullivan

2.

i am a crazy girl who loves mucis

i wonder what life will be like in twenty years

i hear people crying

i see people believing

i want to be cared for

i am a crazy girl who loves music

i pretend that i am a great leader

i feel the weight of the world on my shoulders

i touch god's creation

i worry about everyone i know

i cry for all the death in the world

i am a crazy girl who loves music

i understand why love hurts

i say that we are equal

i dream about helping the children of the world

i try to be there for everyone

i hope that people can see the truth

i am a crazy girl who loves music

3.

Jacqueline.

Compassionate, tired, daughter, sister,

Sister of Brendan and Collin,

Lover of music, nature, God,

Who feels joy, sadness, love,

Who needs laughter, joy, nature,

Who gives help, encouragement, laughter,

Who fears failure, heights, spiders,

Who would like to see a cure for all diseases,

Resident of Everett, Wa.,

Sullivan.

4. 

Jacqueline

Ditzy, intelligent, curious, fun-loving

First born daughter of Shawn and Jennifer

Likes music, nature, children

Feels like I'm not good enough

Afraid of falling

Would like to see the world.

Sullivan

This is me.

I am a daughter. I am a cousin. I am a sister. I am an aunt. I am a friend. I am a mentor. I am quiet. I am loud. I am shy. I am outgoing. I am weird. I am clumsy. I trip a lot. I tend to run into things. I read. I sing. I dance. I believe in God. I don't like my food on my plate to touch. I love trying new foods. I hate making my bed. I love cleaning the kitchen. I love animals. I want lots of kids. I want to be a foster parent. I want to adopt. I want to travel the world. I'm scared of heights. I'm scared of traveling in airplanes. I procrastinate. I hate when water drips down my arm. I want to write my own book, and I want to see it get published. I love to write. I love nail polish. I love it when people play with my hair. I love it when people rub my back. I don't like feet. I don't like people playing with my feet. I love school. I love math. I love history. I love all kinds of literature. I haven't seen a lot of sci-fi movies, but I'm trying to change that. I don't like pineapple except for on pizza. I love the sun and blue skies. I love my family and friends. I make mistakes. I'm going to school to become a counselor because I hate to see people hurt.

And honestly, the fact that you don't want to get to know me after all this time really bothers me. But I'm done letting you get to me.